Author Topic: Fun, Jokes and more ...  (Read 10507 times)

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Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #15 on: 12 January 2012 à 11:05:21 »
 :D Hi Folks,

Jokes For Blondes

There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.

God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."

So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.

Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.

On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.

Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!".

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #16 on: 13 January 2012 à 09:34:00 »
 :D Hi Folks,

Back Sit

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.

''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.

''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''
The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''

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Offline ousermaatre

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #17 on: 14 January 2012 à 03:53:13 »
 :lol: :lol:

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #18 on: 14 January 2012 à 12:20:46 »
 :D Hi Folks,

Small World
 
Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.

They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men's game.

"Don't they know their supposed to let us play through?!" asked the first man.

The other man shook his head. "I'm going to go ask them if we can play through," said the first man, emphatically, "Enough is enough!"

He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.

"Oh God," he said to his friend, "This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!"

The other man shrugged, and said "No sweat."

He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said - "Small world isn't it!"

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #19 on: 14 January 2012 à 21:07:04 »
 :D Hi Folks,

Devil`s Sister 

The Devil walks into a crowded bar. When the people see who it is,they all run out except this one old man. So the devil walks up to him and says" Do you know who I am?" and the old man sips his beer and answers "yep". The Devil says "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The old man looks over and says" I've been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you."

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Offline Duke of Buckingham SETI.USA

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #20 on: 15 January 2012 à 12:41:11 »
 :siflotte: I was married so many times that maybe the devil has no more sisters.  :siflotte:

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Re : Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #21 on: 15 January 2012 à 13:51:08 »
:siflotte: I was married so many times that maybe the devil has no more sisters.  :siflotte:
I do not think your current wife would like to read or hear that, Duke... :siflotte: :gniak:

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #22 on: 15 January 2012 à 17:54:07 »


 :/ She is waitting CH. No she LOL of my crazy sentences and then she beats me. I am all marked. :cry:



 :eek: She is beating me right now. :cpopossib:

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #23 on: 16 January 2012 à 07:34:27 »
 :D Hi Folks,

The camels

 
The little camel asks his mother:

Mum why do we have these big humps?

Because in these hump there is some water and in the hot desert we can

drink.

And mum. Why do we have this large fur?

Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don't feel cold.

And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs.

Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the hot

sand.

But mum. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?

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Offline ousermaatre

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #24 on: 16 January 2012 à 15:28:05 »
The Morocco, a tourist would like to rent a camel for a ride day in the desert.
The cameleer explain how advance his steed.


1 To move them to be, suffice it to say: God bless you!


2 To move them faster, suffice it to say: Hurry up!


3. To stop, it must be said: Amen!


The tourist said that all it is not well complicated air. It just so his camel and
share in the desert. After about an hour of drive to be, he sue for large drops and
What better then than to advance faster his camel to the breeze.


-"Hurry up!" shouts his mount and think the beast at high speed, bringing him the fresh air, which relieves.


Suddenly, the tourist sees in the distance a huge cliff, it's coming right on top with his camel.
Petrified by fear, he did recall over how to stop the beast. The gap close more
He began to pray to the sky and ends his sentence by Amen!


Just in time, the camel stops within 1 m of the vacuum. The tourist is relieved, to sponge the front
and thank the Lord: "God bless you!"


.............


Excuse me for the text, i'm mot sure for the translation.

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #25 on: 17 January 2012 à 07:53:13 »
 :D No Problem ousermaatre , I understand your Joke.  :D

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Offline Duke of Buckingham SETI.USA

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #26 on: 17 January 2012 à 13:41:03 »

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #27 on: 18 January 2012 à 07:26:56 »
 :D Hi Folks,


I've Had A Course In First Aid 
 

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy

intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, and a woman

rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man

emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right

honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and

prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped

him on the shoulder and said,

"When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #28 on: 18 January 2012 à 08:54:22 »
Last Unicorn of L'Alliance Francophone
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Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity and other variables, the computer will do as it damn well pleases. (Harvard's Law, as Applied to Computers)

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #29 on: 19 January 2012 à 07:36:48 »
 :D Hi Folks,

The Chauffeur

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the

driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."

The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's

the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was

having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while

the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you

might get pulled over."

The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls

up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he

gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the

tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can

you hold on a minute."

The Pope says, "sure"

The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says,

"guys I just pulled over some one really important."

They ask who, "The President?."

"No more important."

"The president of another country."

"No more important."

"An ambassador."

"No even more important."

"Well who is it."

"I don't know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."


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