Author Topic: Fun, Jokes and more ...  (Read 11075 times)

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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #30 on: 24 January 2015 à 08:11:16 »



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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #31 on: 25 January 2015 à 08:09:44 »
 :D Hi Folks,


 
Don't Pee In The Pool
 
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming
pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool!" yells the lifeguard.
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"


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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #32 on: 25 January 2015 à 08:11:42 »



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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #33 on: 26 January 2015 à 10:28:25 »
 :D Hi Folks,


Sick Most Mornings
 
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and
says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant -
about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says,
"Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man!
Have you, Debbie?"
Debbie says,
"No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five
minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies,
"No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this
happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the
hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it!"


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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #34 on: 26 January 2015 à 10:33:14 »



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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #35 on: 27 January 2015 à 10:00:11 »
 :D Hi Folks,


The Final Exam
 
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the
UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new
students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two
hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very
strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in
exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the
professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as
he handed the student a booklet. " Yes I will," replied the student. He
then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students
filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued
writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was
sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put
his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student
looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?" "No, as a matter
of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his
voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don't care,"
replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.


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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #36 on: 27 January 2015 à 10:07:22 »


 :D
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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #37 on: 28 January 2015 à 08:11:55 »
 :D Hi Folks,


Completely Blind
 
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual
contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions.
If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood
that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor
said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and
told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned
the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked
and gave him the answers.
So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked,
"What would happen if I cut off one ear?"
Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said,
"I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.
"What if I cut off the other ear?"
"I'd be completely blind," Amanpreet answered.
"Amanpreet, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?"
"My hat would fall down over my eyes."


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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #38 on: 28 January 2015 à 08:15:42 »



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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #39 on: 29 January 2015 à 08:06:37 »
 :D Hi Folks,


Be Quiet
 
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding
down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain..."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your
heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say...,"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky
for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good
mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."


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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #40 on: 29 January 2015 à 08:10:54 »



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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #41 on: 30 January 2015 à 08:21:58 »
 :D Hi Folks,


Horn Accident
 
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his
car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"


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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #42 on: 30 January 2015 à 08:24:03 »



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« Last Edit: 30 January 2015 à 08:29:39 by SEARCHER »
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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #43 on: 30 January 2015 à 10:13:38 »
ups!
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Re: Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #44 on: 31 January 2015 à 08:31:09 »
 :D Hi Folks,


Speed Trap
 
A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following
exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: This car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's
card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the
woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
The driver's license was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
The driver owned the car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a
gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's
a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you
told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding,
too!


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