:D Hi Folks,
Sick Most Mornings
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and
says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant -
about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says,
"Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man!
Have you, Debbie?"
Debbie says,
"No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five
minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies,
"No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this
happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the
hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it!"
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://www.chilloutpoint.com/images/2010/09/crazy-solutions-of-everyday-tasks/crazy-solutions-of-everyday-tasks-09.jpg)
:siflotte:
:D Hi Folks,
Completely Blind
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual
contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions.
If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood
that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor
said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and
told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned
the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked
and gave him the answers.
So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked,
"What would happen if I cut off one ear?"
Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said,
"I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.
"What if I cut off the other ear?"
"I'd be completely blind," Amanpreet answered.
"Amanpreet, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?"
"My hat would fall down over my eyes."
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://chrislocurto.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/parenthood.jpeg)
:siflotte:
:D Hi Folks,
Small World
Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.
They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men's game.
"Don't they know their supposed to let us play through?!" asked the first man.
The other man shook his head. "I'm going to go ask them if we can play through," said the first man, emphatically, "Enough is enough!"
He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.
"Oh God," he said to his friend, "This is awful. You're going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!"
The other man shrugged, and said "No sweat."
He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal. His eyes wide open, he said - "Small world isn't it!"
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://www.graphics20.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Funny-Stupid-12.jpg)
:D
(http://karlkoelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/More-mistakes.jpg)
:sun:
:D Hi Folks,
Have You Found Jesus Yet ?
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by
the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher.
The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says,
"Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right
back up.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up
and says,
"Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this
time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone,
"Man, have you found Jesus yet?"
Gasping for air the drunk answer the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he drowned."
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://www.demotivation.us/media/demotivators/demotivation.us_We-all-have-a-right-to-look-dumb-But-some-people-just-use-it-too-often_132552243851.jpg)
:siflotte:
(http://img.memecdn.com/dumb-friends_o_1293445.jpg)
:D
:D Hi Folks,
Nun In The Bar
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://jokideo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Funny-meme-Relax.png)
:sun:
(http://trendinginkenya.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/funny-3.jpeg)
:siflotte:
:D Hi Folks,
Back Sit
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
''NO!'' yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.
''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''
The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://www.laughspark.info/uploadfiles/old-man-lolz-very-funny-bluetooth-memes--635648585802150482-9601.jpg)
:D
(http://neotheprime.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/very-funny-quotes-1.jpg)
:sun:
(http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/funny-facebook-465x372.jpg)
:D
:D Hi Folks,
Jokes For Blondes
There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.
Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!".
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://jokideo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Really.jpg)
:sun:
(http://ecdn.funzypics.com/grumpycatmemes/pics/24/How-Can-You-Tell-If-You-Drank-Too-Much-Very-Funny-Picture.jpg)
:D
(http://imgfave-herokuapp-com.global.ssl.fastly.net/image_cache/134779553989819.jpg)
:siflotte:
:D Hi Folks,
Flowers
A blonde and a brunette are walking past a flower shop.
The brunette sees her boyfriend inside and says: "Oh no, my boyfriend is inside buying me flowers again."
The blonde asks: "Why is that so bad?"
The brunette says:"Every time he buys me flowers, he expects something in return and I don't feel like spending the entire weekend with my legs in the air."
The blonde asks:"Why, don't you have a vase?"
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/drinking-beer-funny-pictures.jpg)
:sun:
(https://shaunynews.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/animal-funny-pictures-with-captions-7-funny-pictures-with-captions.jpg?w=593&h=549)
:D
(http://piximus.net/media/18360/funny-demotivational-posters-156-3.jpg)
:siflotte:
:D Hi Folks,
Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you !
:frenchy: SEARCHER
:D Hi Folks,
Jokes For Blondes
There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
So they start walking and reach to the first 1,000th step. God tells a joke, the brunette laughs and goes to hell.
Then on the 2,000th step God tells a joke, the redhead laughs and goes to hell.
On the 3,000th step God tells a joke, the blonde doesn't laugh and proceeds to the gate.
Suddenly, she bursts out laughing. God asks, "what are you laughing about?", so she replies, "I just got the first joke!".
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/short-jokes-funny-pictures.jpg)
:D
(http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/funny-eyebrows.jpg)
:sun:
:D Hi Folks,
Bra Types
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types. The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
:frenchy: SEARCHER
(http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Funny-Fat-Baby-Meme-13.jpg)
:siflotte:
(http://www.arlnews.com/uploads/3/8/1/0/38109169/5121906_orig.jpg)
:sun: