Author Topic: Fun, Jokes and more ...  (Read 17961 times)

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Offline maugou

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Re : Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #45 on: 24 January 2012 à 15:18:23 »
Je me permets une version française un peu plus pointue :desole:

1. Deux copines blondes se rencontrent dans un café et parlent de leurs activités de loisirs.

    Une dit: «J'apprends le français!"

    «Ne fais pas ça», répond l'autre, «je connais quelqu'un qui s'est presque étouffé à l'examen oral!"

2. Un enseignant français a demandé à sa classe si "ordinateur" en français, est masculin ou féminin, et pour cela les filles et les garçons ont été interrogés séparément et le résultat était le suivant:

 Les filles ont opté pour "mâle", "le ordinateur". Voici quelques raisons pour cela:

 - Pour commencer à en tirer quelque-chose, il faut les allumer.
 - Ils ne peuvent pas penser par eux-mêmes.
 - Ils devraient aider à résoudre des problèmes, mais ils sont habituellement le problème.

;)

Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #46 on: 24 January 2012 à 15:52:29 »
 :oki: Merci, Thank you, Dankeschön maugou,

 :cpopossib: I think GOOGLE was not good to Translate a Joke from German to French  :sarcastic: .

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« Last Edit: 24 January 2012 à 15:54:35 by SEARCHER »
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Offline modesti

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #47 on: 24 January 2012 à 18:50:02 »
All the more that, what Germans understand by "French" is untranslatable "as is" ;)

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Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #48 on: 24 January 2012 à 18:55:40 »
 :spamafote: Yes modesti I can see it by the Post from maugou ;) But I hope now Jerome can understand my Jokes.

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 :/ I think it`s better I only Post Jokes in English.
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Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #49 on: 25 January 2012 à 07:40:10 »
 :D Hi Folks


Completely Blind 

 
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual

contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions.

If they got them correct, they're deemed cured and free to go.

Jon was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood

that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor

said, "Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?"

Jon said, "I'd be half blind."

"That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?"

"I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Jon's hand, and

told him he was free.

On Jon's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned

the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked

and gave him the answers.

So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked,

"What would happen if I cut off one ear?"

Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said,

"I'd be half blind."

The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on.

"What if I cut off the other ear?"

"I'd be completely blind," Amanpreet answered.

"Amanpreet, can you explain how you'd be *blind*?"

"My hat would fall down over my eyes."


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Offline modesti

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #50 on: 25 January 2012 à 09:20:49 »
:lol: well done !
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Offline ousermaatre

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #51 on: 25 January 2012 à 17:26:32 »
exactly sir !  :chefouichef:

Offline JeromeC

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #52 on: 25 January 2012 à 23:09:12 »
Google trad is not working very well for jokes :D

Thanks maug' !

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #53 on: 26 January 2012 à 07:36:34 »
 :D Hi Folks


The Final Exam

 
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the

UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new

students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two

hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very

strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in

exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the

professor for an exam booklet.

"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as

he handed the student a booklet. " Yes I will," replied the student. He

then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students

filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued

writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was

sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put

his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student

looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?" "No, as a matter

of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his

voice.

"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don't care,"

replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.


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Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #54 on: 27 January 2012 à 07:26:56 »
 :D Hi Folks


Door to Door

 
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a

woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms

that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in

their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced

back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the

door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,

she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when

one of them said,

"Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."


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Offline modesti

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #55 on: 27 January 2012 à 07:31:26 »
:eek: :bouh: :eek:

Poor cat!
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Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #56 on: 28 January 2012 à 07:33:30 »
 :D Hi Folks



Custody

 
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West

Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce

in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she

had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of

them.

The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked

for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the

mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a

dollar in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to

me or the machine?"

 

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Offline modesti

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #57 on: 28 January 2012 à 09:25:23 »
:ptdr: :ptdr: :ptdr:
Last Unicorn of L'Alliance Francophone
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Offline SEARCHER

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #58 on: 29 January 2012 à 07:21:40 »
 :D Hi Folks



Speed Trap 

 
A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following

exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: This car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's

card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the

woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was

quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to

handle the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

The driver's license was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a

gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's

a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you

told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the

glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the lying S.O.B. told you I was speeding,

too!


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Offline modesti

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Re : Fun, Jokes and more ...
« Reply #59 on: 29 January 2012 à 08:07:00 »
:lol:

Must remember that for the next time I get caught in a speed trap :siflotte: :D :D :D
Last Unicorn of L'Alliance Francophone
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Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity and other variables, the computer will do as it damn well pleases. (Harvard's Law, as Applied to Computers)